2009/05/06

中國老婆(網路)/Chinese Wives (Internet)

老公偷腥東窗事發後…

What happen after husband's affair is discovered...

(一)
老婆一夜未睡。第二天來到一家私人偵探社,甩下2000元,委託私家偵探收集花心丈夫出軌的所有證據。過了一周,老公收到一張法院的傳票,老婆起訴要離婚。最後丈夫被判過錯方,房子、家產盡歸老婆。
這是個北京老婆。

After a sleepless night, the wife hire a private detective, threw down RMB 2000 (about 200 Euro), and get all the evidence. A week later, they went to the court for divorce. Finally, the wife got all the money, and properties.
This is a Beijing wife.

(二)
老婆一夜未睡。第二天,老婆上午到美髮店做個離子燙,下午做了個面膜,順便到情趣商店買套性感內衣。晚上在家準備一個燭光晚餐,一共花費四百元。老公晚上回到家後,看到美麗性感的老婆,驚訝得嘴裏可以放下一個雞蛋,深悔自己有眼無珠。並發誓一輩子不會讓老婆離開自己。一周後,老婆寫了一篇題為【我怎樣留住了我得花心老公?】的文章,並在雜誌上發表,還得了五百元稿費。
這是個上海老婆。

After a sleepless night, the wife went to a beauty salon to get a make over the next morning. A facial the afternoon. Bought a lingerie. Prepared a candel light dinner in the evening. Total cost: RMB 400. As the husband returned home, his jaw dropped for the beauty of his sexy wife. He regretted for his betrayal, and swear he will never allow his wife to leave him. A week later, the wife wrote an artical titled "How I Won Back My Husband", and sent it to a magzine. She made RMB 500 for the article.
This is a Shanghai Wife.
  
(三)
老婆一夜沒睡。第二天,老婆打扮得花枝招展,給初戀情人打了一個電話:喂,還記得我嗎?我很寂寞,我今天晚上有空......於是老公在外面繼續瀟灑,老婆在家裏私會情人,井水不犯河水,相安無事。
這是個廣東老婆。

After a sleepless night, the wife dressed up, and give her first lover a phone call "Hello? Remember me? I am very lonely, and free tonight..." So the husband kept having fun outside, and the wife at home. All is well.
This is a Guangdong (Cantonese) wife.

(四)
老婆一夜未睡。第二天一起床,老婆把屋裏收拾得乾乾淨淨,把丈夫的換洗衣服疊的整整齊齊,留了一張紙條,告訴丈夫按時吃藥。於是回娘家了。後來老公良心發現,到岳母家負荊請罪,請回了老婆,並發誓好好過日子。
這是個四川老婆。

After a sleepless night, the wife cleaned up the house the next morning, did the laundry, and left a note reminding her husband taking his medicine, and went to her parents home. The husband felt guilty, went to his in-laws, and begged his wife to return.
This is a Sichuan (Szchuan) wife.
  
(五)
老婆一夜沒睡。第二天,老婆把家裏的兩把菜刀磨的雪亮,前胸、後背各掖一把,決定和丈夫攤牌。心裏說:哼哼,我跟你不是魚死就是網破。後來老公乖乖和老婆回到家裏。
這是個湖南老婆。(湖南妹妹真的是超漂亮,但都是野蠻女友!)

After a sleepless night, the wife sharpened two kitchen knives, and brought them to his husband. Her husband was "convinced".
This is a Hunan wife. (Hunan girls are ultra beautiful, but also very "sassy" as in the movie of "My Sassy Girl Friend.")

(六)
老婆一夜沒睡。第二天一起床,老婆摞起袖子下廚房。平時一頓可以吃二兩湯麵加一張燒餅,今天做一斤湯麵外加十張燒餅,並且一頓就消滅掉。吃完以後,老婆摸著圓滾滾的肚皮,倒在床上放聲大哭:這今後的日子可怎麼過啊?依爾呦..老公並沒有因為外遇離婚,可是半年後提出離婚,理由是老婆胖的像一頭豬。
這是個山西老婆。

After a sleepless night, the wife went to the kitchen, and cooked a big meal five times of normal portion. She cried in the bed after finishing that grand meal. The husband did not get a divorce because of his affair, but for the wife had become as fat as a pig.
This is a Shanxi wife.

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