2009/05/06

88 reasons to identify you as a Chinese

  1. You look like you are 18
  2. You like to eat chicken feet
  3. You suck on fish heads and fish fins.
  4. You have a Chinese knick-knack hanging on your rear view mirror
  5. You sing Karaoke.
  6. Your house is covered with tile.
  7. Your kitchen is covered by a sticky film of grease.
  8. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil.
  9. You leave the plastic covers on your remote control.
  10. You’ve never kissed your mom or dad.
  11. You’ve never hugged your mom or dad.
  12. Your unassisted vision is worse than 20/500.
  13. You wear contacts, to avoid wearing your “coke bottle glasses“.
  14. You’ve worn glasses since you were in fifth grade.
  15. Your hair sticks up when you wake up.
  16. You’ll haggle over something that is not negotiable.
  17. You love to use coupons
  18. You drive around looking for the cheapest petrol.
  19. You drive around for hours looking for the best parking space
  20. You take showers at night.
  21. You avoid the non-free snacks in hotel rooms
  22. You don’t mind squeezing 20 people into one motel room.
  23. Most girls have more body hair than you, if you are male.
  24. You tap the table when someone pours tea for you.
  25. You say “Aiya!“ and “Wah!“ frequently.
  26. You don’t want to wear your seatbelt because it is uncomfortable
  27. You love Las Vegas, slot machines, and blackjack.
  28. You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully, so you can reuse the paper.
  29. You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off.
  30. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.
  31. You spit bones and other food scraps on the table.
  32. You have stuff in the freezer since the beginning of time.
  33. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack.
  34. You have never used your dishwasher.
  35. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.
  36. You eat all meals in the kitchen.
  37. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers.
  38. You have a piano in your living room
  39. You pick your teeth at the dinner table (but you cover your mouth).
  40. You twirl your pen around your fingers.
  41. You hate to waste food.
  42. You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing
  43. You don’t own any real Tupperware - only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars.
  44. You also use the jam jars as drinking glasses.
  45. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
  46. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes). These snacks are always dried and include dried plums, mango, ginger, and squid.
  47. You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking it.
  48. Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself.
  49. The dashboard of your Honda is covered by hundreds of small toys.
  50. You don’t use measuring cups.
  51. You beat eggs with chopsticks.
  52. You have a teacup with a cover on it.
  53. You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since calling information costs 50 cents.
  54. You only make long distance calls after 11pm.
  55. If you are male, you clap at something funny and if you are female, you giggle whilst placing a hand over your mouth.
  56. You like Chinese films in their original undubbed versions.
  57. You love Chinese Martial Arts films.
  58. You’ve learnt some form of martial arts.
  59. Shaolin actually means something to you.
  60. You like congee with thousand-year-old eggs
  61. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached.
  62. You never call your parents just to say hi.
  63. If you don’t live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you’ve eaten, even if it’s midnight.
  64. When you’re sick, your parents tell you not to eat fried foods or baked goods due to yeet hay. (廣東話:熱氣=火氣=上火)
  65. You know what yeet hay is.
  66. You e-mail your Chinese friends at work, even though you only 10 feet apart.
  67. You use a face cloth.
  68. You starve yourself before going to all you can eat places.
  69. You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics
  70. You save your old Coke bottle glasses even though you’re never going to use them again.
  71. You own your own meat cleaver and sharpen it.
  72. Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin.
  73. You know what moon cakes are.
  74. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has moved out.
  75. Your parents know how to launch nasal projectiles.
  76. You iron your own shirts.
  77. You play a musical instrument.
  78. Even if you’re totally full, if someone says they’re going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you’ll finish them.
  79. You’ve eaten a red bean popsicle.
  80. You bring oranges (or other produce) with you as a gift when you visit people’s homes.
  81. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
  82. You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or law.
  83. You live with your parents and you are 30 years old (and they prefer it that way). Or if you’re married and 30 years old, you live in the apartment next door to your parents, or at least in the same
  84. You don’t tip more than 0% at a restaurant, and if you do, you tip Chinese delivery guys/waiters more.
  85. You have acquired a taste for bitter melon.
  86. You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don’t eat the last piece of food on the table.
  87. You know why there are 88 reasons.
  88. You see the truth in this and then send it to all your Chinese friends

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